Cullen Announcements
by CullenNHaleMenUJustCantGetEnuf
Summary: Jasper is moving out, the forks are spooing etc. collection of one-shots of the Cullen's in completely random moments.
1. Alice

Cullen Announcements

Cullen Announcements

Chapter One- Alice

Alice came out of the kitchen to see her brother and his girlfriend watching TV on the couch.

"Ugh! Guys stop forking on the couch!" She said louder than necessary for a house full of vampires.

In a flash Emmett and Jasper were at the foot of the stairs.

"Whoa! That sounds _way_ to dirty for Edward." He laughed. Edward groaned and looked at Emmett.

"Ugh! Em stop thinking about forking Rose." At that exact moment Rosalie glided down the stairs and hit the back of her husbands head.

"Alice, don't you mean spooning?" she asked her sister, but Alice was shaking her head before she finished her question.

"No, I've changed it. The spoons don't spoon but the forks in the drawer do spoon so it makes more sense to call spooning forking because spoons don't spoon." The psychic's adoptive family was giving her odd looks.

"Ugh, some on, I'll show you!" she drug her husband to the kitchen; the others followed. She pulled opened the silverware and pointed to the sections that held the spoons and that in which held the forks.

"See! The spoons are just thrown in there helter-skelter but the forks are stacked—like they're spooning!" her voice held such conviction her family couldn't help but to laugh and agree with her.

Forever more in the Cullen house hold would spooning be called forking.

**A/N: Yay! Another story! So we (or at least Jinx) are super psyched about this story! The Cullen's will all have some sort of announcement or outburst. It'll be slightly OOC but it should fun. Let us know what you think…Review…**


	2. Bella

Cullen Announcements  
Chapter Two- Bella  
**Bella POV**

I rushed downstairs doing my best not to trip but not succeeding, the closest Cullen that happened to be Emmett caught me.

"Still tripping huh Bella?" He laughed, but I was too distracted to answer him.

"Did it come? Is it here?" I asked no one in particular. The whole Cullen bunch stared at me.

"Did what come dear?" Esme asked in a motherly tone.

"My package, did it come?" The all shook their heads. I hung my head, it wasn't here yet.

"Well, did you express ship it?" Alice asked. I looked at her like she had three heads.

"No, I'm trying to save money!" I answered to what was very obvious.

"What did you buy?" Edward asked interested since I had at first resisted the credit card they gave me. I rocked on my feet and looked away from his eyes so he didn't dazzle me into telling him.

"It's a surprise!"

**Two Days Later**

I was eating breakfast in the dining room when Emmett came in with a package and tossed it front of me.

"Bella, your package just came…so can we know what it is now?" with in the second the entire Cullen family swarmed around my spot at the table looking at me expectantly.

"Are you going to open it?" Alice asked bouncing up and down.

"Go on love, I want to know too." Edward encouraged. I looked around at the seven expectant vampires.

I took my own sweet time opening the box and pulling out the case. I looked everyone once again before opening it and beaming proudly.

"It's a pen!" I glowed.

"That's a Louis Vuitton pen!" Alice gasped. I nodded.

"That's a five hundred dollar pen!" Rosalie said in disbelief.

"So, you buy purses that are like a thousand dollars! At least this is usable!" I defended; Rose looked like she was going to protest that purses are usable but Emmett interrupted.

"Bella, it's not the fact that it five hundred dollars, so what, it's that _you_ bought it!" Emmett explained, stressing the you. Alice let out a huff of annoyance; I looked at her and communicated with my eyes for her to continue.

"So, you'll buy a FIVE HUNDRED dollar pen but won't let me buy you designer clothes that you'll wear but you'll buy a pen that's just going to sit at the bottom of Carlisle's desk!" I looked at her horrified and clutched my pen to my chest.

"NO! This pen is going with me to collage!"

**A/N: Yay! Another chapter! As you can see these are going to be pretty random but hopefully entertaining. So this is semi-based on a real life event, our friend Hurricane bought a five hundred dollar pen by Louis Vuitton except it was on sale for two and she had some code and got it for one but still! So we thought we should have some fun with it! Hope you liked it! Reviews Please! We love hearing from you guys! **

**F&J **


	3. Emmett

Cullen Announcements

**Before anyone reads this we mean no disrespect to the Islamic culture! **

Cullen Announcements

Chapter Three- Emmett

Jasper POV

"Guys, I have an announcement to make!" Emmett proclaimed striding into our living room with a dorky grin on his face.

"You're going to join a monastery and become a monk never ever to have sex again?" Bella said, causing us all to laugh at his horrified facial expression.

"God no! I've decided to convert to Islam, so I get out of school three times a day to pray to Allah, and I'm going to be reincarnated as a barnacle!" I raised an eyebrow at him; I wasn't the only one to do so.

"What about Ramadan when you have to fast?" Esme asked—I smirked knowing where she was going.

"Easy, I don't eat anyway. I'll be able to drink after sundown so I can still hunt." He said this with such confidence. Poor un-expecting Emmett—boy was he in for a surprise.

"Okay dear, sounds like you've thought of everything." Mom said not wanting to burst his bubble.

"Emmett, you do know what all fasting entails and how long it goes for don't you?" I asked.

"Well, no not exactly…but I have the general idea…" He trailed off wary and growing nervous as to where I was going with this.

"Maybe you should find out before you tell the school you're Islamic." Carlisle suggested; Alice's humor spiked, and I had a fairly good idea as to why—she giggled.

"Too late; He just mailed the letter."

"Why—what am I missing?" He asked really nervous now.

"Oh nothing…except the month of Ramadan when you're fasting, you're not allowed to have sex." Rose explained. "Too bad, our anniversary is that month and I had something special planned but now…" I could tell she was teasing him but he was horrified. We were all laughing hard by now.

"April Fools?" He said weakly.

"Emmett, its October." Carlisle reminded him. "So what are you going to do—you sent the letter already—are you going to stay Islamic or do you want to change schools?" Emmett shook his head.

"No—I'm going to retrieve the letter from the post office tonight; I'll need some help though." I grinned.

"I'm in." Alice and I said at the same time.

"Nice plan brother." Edward agreed. Rose and Bella looked at each, Bella shrugged and Rose sighed.

"We may as well make it a sibling bonding game night kinda thing."

"Sweet, I have to get us all new black outfits for this!" Alice dashed out of the room, presumably to our bedroom to use the laptop.

"You kids be careful and don't get caught." Esme instructed like she always did before we did something stupid like break into a federal building. Carlisle followed wordlessly behind her.

Rose smacked the back of Emmett's head.

"Idiot." She stalked out of the room; she was probably going to convince Alice that they needed to go into the store.

"Thanks for the good laugh Em." Bella smiled leading Edward to their room.

"Dude…" I started but he held up a hand and sunk onto the couch.

"I am such an idiot." He laughed.

"Nah—I think you just like to play spy or secret agent so you set these things up so we can all have some fun." He grinned mischievously and shrugged.

"Maybe, but you'll never know."

**A/N: Another Chapter! The line with the join a monastery etc is something one of our friends said. So we hope we didn't offend anyone. Hope you liked it! Reviews please!!**


	4. Jasper

Cullen Announcements

Cullen Announcements

Chapter Four- Jasper

Rose POV

My husband was giving me a back rub while we watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure with Carlisle and Esme when Jasper stormed down stairs carrying a suitcase and a frantic Alice following him.

"I can't live here anymore! I'm moving out! I'll come home when Edward changes her but until then I'm leaving!"

"Jasper, come on, we can figure a way through this, we'll hunt every night if that'll help. It'll be fine." Esme said very clearly upset by the idea of losing one of her adopted children. His temper flared making me unexpectedly insulted but I pushed it aside. Bella and Edward chose this time to walk down the stairs.

"It's not that! I can live with Bella, she's fine, and I can't live with Edward!! He's like living with a severely pregnant woman! Its torture and it's not going to get better until he changes her! So until them Alice and I—well at least I am moving out!" Jasper ranted.

"I'm going with too. We can rent something in town or just stay in Seattle or somewhere." Alice piped up.

"I am not a severely pregnant woman!" Edward protested, making Bella giggle and Emmett and I break out laughing. He glared at us and continued. "I am just a very...UGH!" He groaned and stomped back up stairs; adding to mine and Emmett's hilarity.

"See! This is what I mean! And its killing me! This is like a million times worse then before he met her and I am leaving until he changes her!" He took a deep breath, probably an attempt to calm him self, before continuing. "You are all welcome to visit me at where ever I will be staying, and I will visit sometimes." He sounded so...so…formal it was hilarious for some reason.

"Jasper, are you sure this can't be fixed some way? Do you have to move out?" Esme pleaded.

"Only way to fix is to change Bella. I'm sure I have to move out. That or Edward does." His voice held something that signaled the finality of his statement.

"Okay, I understand." Esme stood and hugged him.

"Ugh, sorry Mom, but I have to go now! Edward has just had about four different mood swings in a span of about twenty seconds." My brother pulled away from our crushed mom and headed for the door.

"See ya Jazz." I said hugging him briefly. "I'll probably join you and Alice most of the time." I smiled.

"Jasper." Emmett did the stupid guy head nod thing. After Jasper shut the door Edward yelled from upstairs.

"I am NOT a severely pregnant woman!"

**Jinx: I love this chapter. What do you think Flotsum?**

**Flotsum:...Edward is not a severely pregnant woman!! He's just sexually repressed because Bella's all lets have sex...oh wait...lets not! its Bella's fault!! I blame her!! Good chappie though.**

**Jinx: Whatever! He started it! Anywho reviews are to us as Sexy is to Spunk Ransom! (lol yes I did see that somewhere else so I'm stealing it!) **


	5. Esme

Cullen Announcements  
Chapter 5  
Esme

"That's it! I can't stand it any longer! I am hiring a maid! Call Aro!" Esme declared, storming down the stairs from the second level.

"What's the matter mom?" Emmett asked from his spot.

"I'm not cleaning this house again. I am hiring a maid! I _hate_ cleaning!" Esme told them.

"You hate cleaning?" Rosalie asked incredulous.

"Yes! I hate cleaning! And yet I always do because I can see every stupid little speck of stupid dust! I can't stand it! I think I have OCD. But I've had enough! There will be no more of me cleaning! I'm hiring a maid!" She exclaimed sitting herself down in a recliner. Alice's tinkling laugh was heard from upstairs.

"Macy will be here tomorrow morning at seven. I told her we'll supply everything. She cleaned for the Volturi; Aro said we could have her."

**A/N: **

_**Jinx:**_** Yikes,,, it hhas been a bit hasnt itt…**

_**Flotsum:**_** yeah…like 6ish months…**

_**J:**_** Sorry about thaat.…but we're backkk! At least we hope sooo. **

_**F:**_** Yes, so please don't hate us! Jinx found this a few nights ago and we did some polishing **

_**J:**_** and so let us know what you think1! Maybe if we get on top of thinngs**

_**F:**_** We'll have a sneak peek for the next chapter. **

_**J:**_** yeah and we have a poll up about the nexxxty chapter. Sjorrry two of my fineegers are taperd together so I cant backspace or hit some of the other kisys. Fail. **

_**F:**_** Anyway…reviews are appreciated…but then again so are updates. So Sorry!! **

_**J:**_** hahah the font I have it set on the j next to the semi colon look like a sad face together. Wow. Too late at anight for jinx after being s ick. Wow. Our an is longr then the chapter. I hat think thats a bad sign. Disregard the word hat. I cant get reid of it. **


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